I get to be me while I do boudoir

if you're not speaking it, you're storing it, and that shit gets heavy.

A BRAND AMBASSADOR REFLECTION

For too much of my life I've thought that because my body isn't what I want it to be (i.e. I’m too sick, not physically strong enough, not “ideal” looking) that also means that I'm not worthy of what I want out of life-- a certain job, a certain man (which is a long off worry, as i have been happily taken for ten years now), being truly accepted by different groups of friends, being part of various activities, etc.

Well, I'm here to tell you; that old thought process is WRONG, because I've secured THAT job, and THAT man, and THAT confidence(I struggle almost daily but I'm mostly on the positive side)! I'm not at one hundred percent, but I'm perfectly fine with that because I work on myself every day, and I've gotten closer while also achieving several goals. I  will continue going and growing, because there is no stopping point; thrive 'til I die!

I have found out for myself that you can be whatever you are AND do boudoir!

It's actually better that way! I have come to learn that truth on my personal journey and it has just gotten better with every new photoshoot, and I love it! I love me and my different phases throughout this life.

To be honest, Boudoir was never a set goal for me-- I just signed up for a session one day (way back in 2017) and I fell in love with the experience of what Molly offers, plus MYSELF through her art. When I left  her studio that first session day, I kept living life with boudoir in the back of my mind. Just a “normal” life - I was growing and having set backs for years,

but eventually the opportunity to become a Brand Ambassador came back,

and I knew I had to go for it, so here the fuck I am; A model?! It could have been many other people, but I was ACTUALLY picked as one of the few!
Believe it or not, I've always wanted to be a model; ever since I was around ten years old and America's Next Top Model aired on TV; I thought "I could do that! I'm tallish, I COULD be skinny one day... I can totally do that!,"

but then all my health issues started

(if you're not familiar and would like to know, then my first blog addresses my medical journey and trauma), so I pushed that pipe dream far away. Admittedly, Molly's art is completely different from what I wanted as a young girl, but the best part is that I'm involved in ART which is WAY better! I get to promote something (and someone) I believe in--

I get to be ME (not on a diet, not cookie cutter, actually a little misshapen and scarred, but REAL),

and I am able to grow while I do Boudoir!

At this point, my year as a Zealous Stills Brand Ambassador is nearer to the end than I'd like, but I have to say that there has been nothing more rewarding and tangible as the experiences I've had through this lovely form of self expression.

I've had the opportunity to connect with other beautiful women, to travel to places I'd otherwise never go, and to expand and reflect upon what I want and my purpose in life in a way that not everyone has the opportunity to do.

I feel blessed to have had this creative outlet come into my life, and I know I am coming out the other side as a better version of myself.

I will definitely keep using Boudoir throughout the rest of my life; as a pick-me-up, as a milestone marker, as a reminder of who I am, as a gift!!

I have released my insecurities into the void, hell, i have AWAKENED my true self during this time, and it is truly a blessing; I have walked around with my story, my medical trauma, my true thoughts kept inside for most of my life, and it is freeing to speak it and let it rest.

Inspired by Katie like I am?

follow her IG @the_ashpole