I’m a mess: A Brand Ambassador Story

I’m a mess.

There’s no other way to put it.

For as far back as I can remember, I’ve lived my life in complete and utter chaos. My brain runs at least a million miles an hour at any point during the day. I struggle constantly to find the time to slow down and just exist. And at the same time, I struggle to get my brain to cooperate. I have days where I can’t complete even the most basic tasks. Including self care tasks. It’s been a rough few years for sure.

If you’re out there feeling like you’re alone, I can assure you, that you are not.

There are so many parts that play into this. A lot of what I go through in my day to day life can be attributed to what I went through in childhood. I can control my mess in the here and now. I felt out of control in childhood. Being told I was one way one minute, and the next I was another. I have never known what to believe about myself.

Up until now, I have just believed everything.

“You’re so ugly.”

“Stop singing, your voice isn’t any good.”

“You’d look so much better if you lost a little weight.”

Because of this, I’ve spiraled. Way more times than I can count.

I started harming myself at the young age of 13. I went down this self destructive path until I was about 24. I was constantly doing things I knew I shouldn’t. I was giving up on myself.

What I never knew I needed, was someone to help me see that I am worthy of not giving up on. A partner to show me life is worth living, and worth living well at that. My partner in crime never gives up on me and turned my whole life around. Ever since then, my mess has been more manageable. But I’m still a mess, nevertheless.

Throughout the last few years I have been finding my way to manage the mess. And one way I found to do that was by taking my power back.

The best possible way I could have found to do that, is through adventure boudoir.

It’s led me to not just a tribe completely full of other women to lift me up, it has led me to myself. I believe it may have led me to my calling.

I’m a hairstylist by trade. I love connecting with people, but it can be so draining sometimes. And if I’m being honest, it’s never felt like what I’m meant to do for the rest of my life. 15 years of doing something I never felt 100 percent about. That’s such a long time.

That’s the most draining part.

I’ve been doubting what I’m doing with my life for so long. But now, now I feel like I’ve found it. I’m not even sure I know the whole entire vision yet, but I believe that I may be meant to help other women heal themselves. There’s something so magical about watching the light in someone else’s eyes spark. Watching it click for them. That they don’t have to continue living life the way that they have been. That they don’t have to continue to suffer in a cycle that they never deserved. It’s so powerful. Even more so to know that I have sparked that for someone else.

I’m not positive what all it entails. But I know that I’m meant for something greater than what I’m doing now. I feel the passion and the fire burning inside my soul. So for now I’m kind of just left to untangle the mess in my head until I am able to discover what exactly it is that I’m meant for.

This mess is mine. And I will own every waking second of it.