I had definitely forgotten how to be sexy.

I AM 50 YEARS OLD BUT 49 AT THE TIME OF THE PHOTO SESSION. I’M SASSY MOST OF THE TIME YET HARD ON MYSELF A LOT OF THE TIME, INTERNALIZE EVERYTHING.

Because I am a type A personality I am pretty hard on myself and I can make myself crazy. I do not see myself as beautiful. If my weight is up or there is a crease in my forehead and I often would compare myself to younger women. There is a lot of competition in the world to be perfect.

I was turning 50 years old and 39 years as a type 1 aka juvenile diabetic. Becoming a type 1/insulin dependent diabetic at the age of 11 created the perfectionism in me. At times I would be so hard on myself if my blood sugars were not perfect I would become exhausted and need to sleep and ignore the world. I was also verbally and physically abused when I was younger which led to other issues with self-esteem. I am also part of the "Me Too" movement and still do not talk about it much so we won't go there for this. I am open to talking about it in smaller settings. Fast forward to turning 50 and I was sort of in a meltdown stage. I needed to release and release a lot.

Before the session I was nervous for sure. Molly was so positive and helped me to feel so comfortable and less self conscious about my body. I had cancelled my appointment at one time but I knew I wanted to express myself and release that I really do feel beautiful inside and out...

I TEAR UP BECAUSE I LIKE SO MANY OF US FEEL SO INFERIOR AT TIMES THAT I CAN BECOME CRIPPLED WITH DOUBT AND FEAR.

Everyone always thinks I have it all together. I mean after all I climbed the corporate ladder, suffered an abusive marriage, suffered from some other things and even though I was able to always move on, climb out of what I was going through, there is still the need for perfection and getting approval.

My emotions have been running high the past few years as I was feeling stuck in life, stuck with my thoughts etc…

On my way to the studio I listened to Godsmack, so that got me revved up. The makeup part went well, nice and relaxing. The first few camera clicks and I was a hot mess.

I HAD DEFINITELY FORGOTTEN HOW TO BE SEXY.

I was awkward but Molly was so gracious and I was able to listen to how she was coaching me a long. Then moving became easier, I settled into myself. I am not going to lie, the entire time I was thinking “how did I let myself gain this weight” and I realized, I really do have a disorder. I need to learn to love myself, c-section scars and all… I mean after all I have done approximately 57,000 shots of insulin in my body since I was 11 years old. So I say to myself,

“C’MON GIRL, YOU ARE BRAVE AS HELL, STOP BEING A WIMP AND LIVE LIFE, APPRECIATE YOURSELF”

The moment that sticks out is when Molly looked at the articles of clothing I brought and strongly (but sweetly) suggested something else. I thought oh my gosh that is tiny lookin. She explained to me how the shape, lines etc would focus on my body parts like and breasts and my J.LO butt.

A surprised emotion during the session? I actually thought I would be more open going in, sexually I am not a prude but I had a little more fear than I thought. With this said, Molly is amazing and I really do not think I would have enjoyed any of it if it was not for her coaching.

SHE IS MUCH MORE THAN A PHOTOGRAPHER, I TRULY BELIEVE SHE IS A KEEPER OF FEMALE SOULS.

I LOVE THAT I DID THE SESSION AND I AM EAGER TO EXPRESS MYSELF MORE.

Immediately afterward I felt excited, pretty much like I could take on anything life threw at me. It is like I want to be this amazing woman and it’s there…

I would tell anyone considering this that you are allowed to do this! You are allowed to feel good about yourself and you are allowed to not be perfect yet you are perfectly you! Women need to remember that we are all on the same team. We need to not judge other women ever, no matter the size, discretion and even addiction. We need to life each other up.