Boudoir to start putting the pieces back together

Why boudoir? Well, it’s quite simple…I did this for ME.

 I have felt a spiral of losing myself, redesigning myself, putting myself in pretty little boxes, pretty but flimsy, but never truly seeing myself.

Unfortunately, it took facing some harsh realities for me to reevaluate exactly who this woman is.

Through 2020 and 2021 I had some not great medical things happen, and some scary as hell “maybes” one of which was that heart crushing “C word”. Even with that being ruled out my body and mind were going through so much back-to-back trauma my brain could not compute that I was going to be ok!

Then, I lost what I felt was ALL of my femininity and had a hysterectomy in 2021, my body was failing me, and my mental health was following right behind it.

I knew I needed to process this all in a new way. So I dug deep, and for me that means secluding myself and writing it all out, burning or shredding the things that do not fit or are doing me an injustice. It is hard work, draining work, but it was work I needed to save my life.

 Then, I had to figure out what this life was going to mean from that point forward.  I found my pieces, some of which I started noticing were pieces from the damage I had done, started rebuilding pieces and putting myself back together. 

In those very fragile first steps I found Zealous Stills,

from the moment I read Molly’s website my heart started screaming, “YES THIS, DO THIS!!!” So, I took the leap. Here I thought I was going to take some pictures to make myself feel beautiful and maybe even a little sexy. Oh boy was I wrong!

The day of my shoot, I walked into the studio (March 2022) scraped, battered and bruised, although healing, mentally and emotionally but physically still recovering from the heart attack I had barely two months before. I was terrified and fully convinced I was going to have a hard time seeing something in myself enough to like ONE picture. I was so afraid I was going to be wasting this woman’s time.

Molly was so incredibly patient with me, made me feel welcome, safe, and little by little my insecurities melted away.

 My awakening moment was walking into the studio, after my session to attempt to choose a few images, stepping through I was caught dead in my tracks seeing this image on Molly’s screen, my mind boggled, and I had to ask, “that’s me?”

I did not recognize myself, but at the same time thinking “THAT’S ME!! THAT is the woman I want to be”. I saw in the pictures an incredibly strong, fierce, sensual goddess, and everything feminine!

 Since that day I have strived continuously to love myself, to push myself, to be gracious with myself through the healing process, to keep digging and finding the true meaning of ME.

I am over the moon excited to see what a year of being a brand ambassador will do to aid in my self-exploration and healing. Just one experience was enough to be the catalyst of change and courage…there is so much more to come!!!

Author: Brand Ambassador Heather Purcell
IG @goddessmom84