Saying “yes” to boudoir didn’t come easy.
Life is Yours - Grasp it
The big takeaway that I’ve had from every Zealous Stills session that I’ve taken part of - from my first studio mini-session to taking it outdoors to traveling across the country to do an aerial shoot to group shoots in public places as a brand ambassador -
is to just go for it.
Whether it’s for boudoir or just in life in general. Take the chances and have the experiences! It might be scary (I know I’ve felt a whole range of emotions in all my sessions), but take the leap and do it and it will be so worth it. Even if it doesn’t turn out how you expect, YOU DID IT!
You can always learn from every opportunity you take part in, even when it’s not what you thought it might be. Each time we take a step we get to open up a new part of ourselves or confirm parts we already know and make them stronger, but none of that can happen unless we open ourselves up and say YES to the experiences that present themselves to us.
Now that I’ve been a part of so many sessions, it may come as a surprise to some that I am generally more on the modest side. I mean don’t get me wrong, I like a bright, colorful, loud outfit/costume any opportunity I get to wear one, but I’ve never really been one to wear extremely “sexy” outfits or show off my body. I cover up more than most at the beach. I’m more comfortable in sweats and a hoodie or a loose flowy dress than almost anything else and any time any cleavage shows in an outfit, I question whether it’s too much - even in places where females showing more of their body than not is the norm!
It never felt natural to me. Even though nakedness is our most natural form!
I think this can be attributed to a lot of different reasons. I’ve always been someone that takes criticism to heart, and there can be a lot of it on us females. How I dressed was often a topic of discussion and controlled in my house growing up. Schools have dress codes and make us feel wrong for dressing outside of it. I’ve had some distressingly uncomfortable experiences with males and heard the numerous stories of even worse others have experienced that I’ve always felt deeply.
I’ve never felt like I had the ideal desirable body, but I also knew that I have the parts that are highly sexually sought after.
I’ve worked as a nanny, tutor, and teacher - all areas where sometimes how we dress shines a different light on us and can even cost us our job and scrutiny can be more intense in these dynamics as a female with certain attributes in abundance…
However, I’m also a highly sensual being and I love to be able to celebrate that side of myself and not feel like it needs to be a secret or only behind closed doors.
Saying “yes” to boudoir didn’t come easy. I had a lot of internal discourse and barriers to work through. What if it was uncomfortable? What if people at my work saw the photos? What if my family did? What if my friends did - and they disapproved?? What if it was a bad experience? What could this cost me? In the end I reminded myself that I was safe and this was a safe experience with Zealous Stills that I owed it to myself to allow and have, and that no one ever had to see the pictures besides myself and Molly if I didn’t want them to. That the benefit could be more than the cost. That I should just try it and see. That I deserve to be allowed to explore this side of my womanhood and femininity more deeply and see what could come of it. That I wanted to
I could not be more happy that I took the leap, regardless of what the voices inside my head told me at first.
It has been so freeing to be able to see myself and my body in this new light. To be able to embrace this side of me, share it with others, and not only have them not disapprove, but to INSPIRE them! To be able to share ALL of me and the poignant messages fully, without having to hold back or hide. To appreciate and LOVE the way my body looks and moves over and over again as I dance around freely in shoots or look at my photos, something I’ve worked my whole life at and struggled through many challenges with.
It’s allowed me to feel like the strong, confident, WORTHY goddess that I am.
This has overflowed into all parts of my life, not just in regards to my sensuality and womanhood, and it all started by simply saying “yes.” I will not hold myself back anymore. I will not surrender to other people’s thoughts and opinions on me, my life, and my body. I will be and do what I want to and follow what makes me feel good regardless of what others say.
I will grasp each experience that presents itself to me - even if only by a thread - and see how it makes me feel and figure out more about myself and my next steps from there.
Whether it’s stripping and taking photos out in nature or jumping into that waterfall, going to that show/meal alone, driving across the country to do something big and exciting, or hiking that difficult trail alone just to see that view at the end, I’m going to do it! The vast majority of the time, it ends up being AMAZING and further solidifying who I am and want to be. But those times when it isn’t? I can always go back and choose differently, or I can choose to learn from the experience if not. I can know that it showed me something that’s not in alignment with who I am and want to be and I can choose differently next time. I can learn more about myself, what I like and don’t, who I am and want to be or don’t, how I want to show up in this world, and the kinds of experiences I want to show up for. In this way, it’s never a mistake, so you just have to do it! We’re all here to figure ourselves out and have experiences!! We’re all just making it up as we go, so shouldn’t we make it good and full while we’re at it?!
I will probably still wear sweats and loose dresses more than anything else. I will probably still cover up at the beach more than others. But I will ALSO take time to show my sensual side and not be afraid or ashamed to do so.
I will keep saying “yes” to all that life has to offer, and I hope you will too!
