Those Close To Me No Longer Recognized Me - Boudoir Session Testimony
I'M STILL INVENTING MYSELF A MAJORITY OF THE TIME - FINALLY FALLING INTO MY PLACE GOD PLANNED FOR ME AS EACH DAY GOES BY.
I was always the one to dull myself and my passions down to fit into society's plan. In high school - I was an outgoing, bubbly, and driven person. I constantly stood up for other's when I could see them hurting and wasn't afraid to speak my mind. I always included everyone and anyone whether they wanted to be included or not;
THEN, CAME MY FIRST HEARTBREAK.
I GOT QUIET, SAD, AND CRITICAL OF MYSELF BOTH EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY. I LOST A LOT OF FRIENDS WHILE I WAS HURTING. MY PARENTS AND THOSE CLOSE TO ME NO LONGER RECOGNIZED ME.
I had allowed how a boy made me feel to determine who I was. That driven and determined person I was, was now indecisive and unsure of who I was and what I wanted out of life. Seems silly to allow a boy to bring you so low.
Over the years, I have determined why I was so low -
I FEEL MORE DEEPLY THAN A LOT OF PEOPLE AROUND ME. I STARTED TO LOVE THAT PART OF MYSELF. I BEGAN REALIZING I AM AN EMPATH.
The number of friends who continued to reach out to me and confide in me, I couldn't help but want to help them. I became a fixer, a "yes" woman, the person always running to the rescue and giving every bit of me just to make someone else happy. That being said, come college, I was determined to pursue my artistic passions and pursued a bachelor's in graphic design and photography.
I HAD A LOT OF PEOPLE TELL ME I WAS NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT AS AN ARTIST.
Flash forward to the second semester of my sophomore year - Intro to Psych. I connected with this course and loved the way emotions were spoken about so freely. It reminded me of all my loved ones I helped throughout my 20 years of life and gave my empathy a purpose. I remembered how others would tell me I would never make it as an artist and thought, "Well, I love helping others too." I immediately changed my major and began pursuing my Psychology degree. Now, keep in mind, I am the first kid in my family to go to college (my dad went; however, he knew his purpose prior to even applying).
Make it stand out
During the summer between my sophomore and junior year, I went through a breakup, and God introduced my soul mate into my life. I had no idea the adventure I was about to go on meeting my now Husband. In just 3 short months and the absolute best summer of my life (camping, Redbud MX, concerts, late nights laughing and raw emotions being shared), we fell in love; and at the end of those 3 months, he left for college in Laramie, WY. It was my first adventure as an "adult" (some days I still feel like a kid) - but I left town with Kyle without notice and moved him into his college apartment in the mountains.
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I FELT THIS FEELING OF COMPLETE FREEDOM.
OPEN SKIES YOU COULD SEE WENT ON FOREVER, MOUNTAIN AIR THAT MADE YOU FORGET ALL YOUR PROBLEMS. IT WAS THIS EUPHORIC FEELING ROLLING INTO TOWN AND SEEING GOD'S CREATION ON SUCH A LARGE SCALE.
For those who don't know me - in my college years, I not only changed my major but also attended a total of 5 colleges. But, after experiencing Wyoming, I finally found my home where I would finish out my degree in Psychology. Flash forward again - Senior Year: I was in my last semester of school and my advisor suggested I speak to the career advisor to discuss intern opportunities or just to discuss my plan of action come graduation.
All my dreams of helping others with my bachelor's degree quickly came to a halt when my career advisor giggled at my plan of working in school's as a school therapist. Being the first kid to go to college in my family, both myself and my parents were unaware I could not pursue that dream without a master's degree; and that was definitely not in the cards for me anytime soon financially. I contemplated quitting before graduation and going straight to work but instead finished and made the Dean's list.
2017: I had been working in a job for a year and a half that did not include my passions nor my best skills. I was miserable and felt purposeless. That same feeling from my high school heartbreak took control. I lost myself again. A few months prior I had posted our Christmas photos Kyle and I took and I edited. All of a sudden - the messages on Facebook from friends and friends of friends started to pour in. Something I have done my entire life because I was raised with it surrounding me became this light in my life. I started slow and took photos for friends and others they referred to me.
So here I am in 2020 - almost 3 years into finding myself again.
Photography has been one of my biggest passions next to helping others. That voice in my head of others during college telling me I could never be an artist because I wouldn't be successful enough has quieted down and almost come to a complete halt. I'm now slowly growing back into the person I loved back in high school before I got quiet, before I let others tell me who to be and how to be, before I allowed society's view of who I should be dictate my life and ultimately my future and purpose. I have now been professionally photographing love stories - wedding's, boudoir, families, couples, even pet's - since 2017.
I licensed my business in 2018 and decided to chase my dreams. I've used my empathy to drive my success. My love of love, my love of others happiness, and my love of my Grandpa that I lost in 2007. No longer was a flaw/deterrent of success - but instead, it now drives me to explore those parts of myself and share it with others. It's funny I finally am here because in my first cover letter for applying to a job, I stated I wanted to share all of my skills and passions with others to help them find their true selves - and here I am. Chasing the dream - following my passions, and learning to love every piece of myself I shut down for so long.
POINT BEING, DON'T LET OTHERS DICTATE WHO YOU ARE OR WHO YOU SHOULD BE.
This may be a long story - but it doesn't even cover all of the experiences that led me to this point. God has a plan. He knows who are and who you are supposed to be. He will always lead you to it. He will always give you the resources you need to learn and grow - both good and bad.
REMIND YOURSELF DAILY - I AM BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT. WRITE IT ON YOUR MIRROR, ON A STICKY NOTE NEXT TO YOUR FRONT DOOR, ON A FLASH CARD TO STICK IN YOUR CAR ON THE VISOR. I DON'T CARE WHERE, BUT JUST REMIND YOURSELF, YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO GETS TO DECIDE WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU CAN BE. AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO EBB & FLOW THROUGH LIFE IN WHO YOU ARE. "IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHO YOU MIGHT'VE BEEN." ~ GEORGE ELIOT
What brought you to boudoir? Initially - to experience what my clients experience when they come to mine. I wanted to understand all of the feels. During the session, I realized what I was getting out of it. Molly let me bring my heart dog Bolt to the session. I truly felt "in my element". I felt like "Hey, this is me in all my glory with the love of my life." (besides Kyle and my other pups, hehe). I left my dogs out of my story above because I could write a novel on them.. and I'm not sure if you all would like to hear that. But to put my love of dog's into perspective, they know me. They're empathetic and loyal like I am to my loved ones. They say "I love you" all day long in their own little way. If you ask anyone about me, they'll tell you I never let them leave my home or go to bed without an "I love you". It's okay to love the most, and be a deeply feeling person. My dog's show me that and the benefits of being who I am.
Where you documenting a milestone? YES. Hi, I'm Nicole. I'm not quiet anymore, I'm not scared anymore, and I am me most importantly.
How did you feel leading up to the session? Nervous for sure! Scared to be open when I was now used to being quiet and timid.
What was fueling the nervousness? The need to break through the final wall I put up for myself. I don't have to be dulled down for people to approve of me. The ones who stick around for the true me are the ones that count. I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. The quarters are worth more.
How did you feel during our session? Comfortable and calm. Molly was outgoing and related to me on a lot of things. It helped to talk and almost felt like we had been longtime friends by the end of the session. I felt accepted and we had only met once! Molly truly made me feel even more okay to be me.
Is there a moment that sticks out to you the most? Your patience with Bolt. Something I wanted so badly to showcase in my session - and every time she would get excited on our walk to the outdoor location and try to hand you or I a stick, you would giggle and always gave me time to get her back in her spot. I enjoyed laughing together and felt like the session was laid back and comfortable.
What was something you didn’t expect? Calmness - I am constantly anxiety ridden. I worry about everything and everyone.
How did you feel after our session? Excited to see my images that showcase me and who I am. Proud of myself for finally taking time for me when I consistently am trying to help others and taking care of them in any way I can.
I AM SHOCKED AT HOW OFTEN I ACTUALLY LOOK AT MY IMAGES. ON BOTH GOOD AND BAD DAYS, I FIND MYSELF REVISITING MY PERSONAL GALLERY AND WONDERING HOW IN THE HECK DO I LOOK THAT GOOD?! IT'S SUCH A PERFECT REMINDER TO FEEL GOOD IN MY SKIN.
DO IT. I HAVE NO OTHER WORDS THAN TO QUOTE NIKE ON THIS ONE, “JUST DO IT.”
I fucking love you and thanks for being not only the world's most kickass creative I know, but also allowing me to confide in you and discuss our passions together. You've been an incredible influence on my life in more ways than just our session together. I hope your 2020 brings you all the glory and love you deserve!
